Pricey Abby: As my dad makes messes, my mother makes excuses

DEAR ABBY: My narcissistic father feels entitled to do no matter he pleases. He has all the time insisted that since he makes the cash, excess of my mom’s revenue, he needs to be waited on and cleaned up after. If he stays in my residence, he leaves messes all over the place. He’s 70, however he acts like a 4-year-old.

He loves consideration and can do something to be the middle of it, whether or not it’s sporting a kilt or exhibiting off his mental prowess. I’ve no relationship with him, and I’m OK with that. Mother complains continually about him, after which defends him. It’s emotionally exhausting.

My husband, our children and I are appalled at his lack of self-awareness, empathy or caring. He makes happening trip a nightmare. He feels that if he does all of the driving, then he’s achieved his half and refuses to assist with the rest. He’s troublesome and manipulative.

He’s getting worse as he will get older, and I not wish to topic my household to this. My mom doesn’t appear to know this. How do I cope with a narcissistic father and a mom who refuses to acknowledge it and continually makes excuses for him? — EXASPERATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXASPERATED: One option to cope with it might be to cease taking holidays with them, for the reason that holidays appear to be something however nice for you and your loved ones. Attempt to keep away from him as typically as you may. When your mom complains about “Dad,” level out that that is the prize she married and you’re bored with listening to her complain since she received’t assert herself. Then change the topic when she brings it up.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is rising from a painful two-year-long divorce, throughout which his two teenage daughters and one grown daughter turned estranged from him. His now-ex-wife overshared with them in the course of the divorce and did every part she might to forestall them from seeing him, regardless of courtroom orders for him to have joint custody, visitation and remedy.

My brother isn’t good, however he loves his ladies and desires them in his life. He’s slowly making progress with one among his minor daughters. My drawback is his ex has induced them to shun the remainder of their paternal relations. My two sisters (their aunts) and I are pained by the lack of these relationships.

We nonetheless attain out at holidays and birthdays with texts, presents and nicely needs, however we obtain no response, not even a well mannered “thanks.” As a result of we stood by our brother throughout a horrible expertise, we’re “responsible by affiliation.” Ought to we proceed reaching out or depart them alone till they’re able to have a relationship with us once more? — VICTIM OF DIVORCE

DEAR VICTIM: I don’t suppose it’s best to proceed sending presents that go unacknowledged. Nonetheless, depart the strains of communication open by sending playing cards to your nieces on acceptable events. Should you haven’t mentioned this together with your brother, I like to recommend you do, and take your lead from him.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good recommendation for everybody — teenagers to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and Find out how to Deal With It.” To order, ship your identify and mailing tackle, plus verify or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Pricey Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Field 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Delivery and dealing with are included within the value.)

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