Expensive Abby: Boyfriend grieves his sister’s dying by ghosting me

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend misplaced his sister unexpectedly to a coronary heart assault. She was solely 50. I’m making an attempt to be there for him and provides him his house whereas he’s grieving. The factor is, he has stopped responding or contacting me. Each few days, I’d ship him phrases of help, however he doesn’t reply — not with a “thanks” or something. This has been taking place for the previous week.

Lastly, I figured that he’s ghosting me and now not needs to be bothered with me however doesn’t need to say it. So I advised him I didn’t need to add to his stress, that I felt he was over our relationship and I wouldn’t trouble him anymore. He responded, saying I’m taking it too personally, there’s nothing I can do to assist and it’s one thing he has to undergo.

I do know that. I perceive grieving. However am I supposed to simply wait till he looks like speaking or being bothered with me, for nevertheless lengthy it takes? I’m making an attempt to be understanding, however for somebody to simply reduce you off and never even acknowledge you is terrible. I imply, he’s utterly emotionally unavailable, like I don’t exist! I don’t know what to do. — PUSHED ASIDE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PUSHED: Right here’s what to do. Again off! Because you perceive grieving, you could know that no two individuals grieve precisely alike or on the identical timetable. Your boyfriend has advised you explicitly what he wants. For those who care about him, give him house and cease personalizing this. His emotional wants should come earlier than your personal proper now. Distract your self by seeing associates or involving your self in actions you may get pleasure from for the following month or so. For those who do, when he’s feeling extra like himself once more, he’ll come again to you.

DEAR ABBY: I make money working from home, so I don’t have to dress up day by day. I put on T-shirts and athletic shorts as a result of I often coach my sons in after-school sports activities and need to be snug. Day-after-day, my spouse complains about my look, evaluating me to different fathers. She additionally has no downside yelling about it in entrance of my children or her household. This occurs typically. She says, “Individuals received’t need to do enterprise with you in case you gown like that!”

Anytime I see a shopper, I gown for the event. Since she appears to haven’t any downside saying something about my look, can I say one thing in regards to the weight she has gained over the past couple of years? Since she says stuff like that to me, I believe it’s solely honest that I needs to be allowed to say one thing to her. — COMFORTABLE IN THE EAST

DEAR COMFORTABLE: Say something you want, however earlier than you open your mouth, ask your self whether or not it will be useful or inflame the state of affairs. Many individuals choose to decorate casually, and typically others may be judgmental about it — your spouse being solely certainly one of them. As strongly as your spouse might really feel about your selection of apparel, she’s unsuitable to criticize you in entrance of others, as a result of berating you’ll not enhance the state of your marriage.

Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good recommendation for everybody — teenagers to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and Learn how to Deal With It.” To order, ship your title and mailing handle, plus test or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Expensive Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Field 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Delivery and dealing with are included within the worth.)